Friday, July 8, 2011

Once Upon a Time in the Holy Land

Once upon a time, in a place far, far away (or a place very, very close, depending on where you live), there were people from three religions - the "It was ours first"; "You disappeared, and so we took it" and "It was ours for the longest". Even those these people held (some) different beliefs, they all came from the same heritage and roots, and all had ties to their land - a land of milk and honey and dates and figs and Aroma Coffee Houses and Facebook.

Now these people, from these three different religions, loved their land SO much, that they could not part with any of it! Each group thought that it ALL had to be exclusively for them. That's right - no sharing. Instead of pooling their fabulous milk and honey and dates and figs and Aroma Coffee Houses and Facebook with one another, they fought over these resources constantly, always shouting at the top of their voices:

"We were here first!"
"You disappeared; we couldn't let it go to waste!"
"We were here for the longest!"

In fact, the yelling got SO loud, that people from other countries, outside of the region, indeed all over the world, began to take note. The shouting in this far away land (or very close land, depending on where you lived) disturbed everyone's sleep.

The yelling disrupted their leisure time, and even interrupted their regular television programming. The cacaphony made so much noise that no one could EVER take a trip ANYWHERE without hearing about the ruckus and were often held up in airports around the world by security guards, who meticulously checked their luggage and made pertinent comments such as:

"Do you know anyone who was there first? Can you speak the first language?"
"Did your God give you a sign? You need to dispense of your holy water before getting on the plane."
"We need to do a strip search on your great grandmother since she may be hiding something under her dress (great embroidery, the way)" 

Everyone in the world had a headache
A very BIG headache
And the Tylenol was beginning to run short

Well, unfortunately, things did not calm down. In fact, this just made more and more people agitated, and not just the people who belonged to the three religions:  
"God gave it to us and now we're back"
"You were gone for too long - it's ours"
"No God said it was ours and we have the keys to prove it"

To make a long story short, the whole world got very ill and travel pretty much stopped on the planet to this wonderland.
Ships could no longer take off from Greece or Turkey to the beautiful shores of the Holy Land
Airplanes could no longer take off from European cities for this beautiful destination
When people did manage to get in, they were immediately greeted by ground staff who asked them such pertinent questions as:

"Do you like Cappucino or Arabic Coffee?"
"Do you like to dip in the Jordan River or prefer to sunbathe at the Gordon Beach in Tel Aviv?"
"Do you have a key to an old house, or an aunt by the name of Ruth?"

If they did not answer correctly, they were immediately sent back from where they came, in order not to cause an even greater security threat to this beautiful land. The government could not take such a risk...

And, sorry to say, this is where things have stood, to this day.

And now, for those of you who have made it through this sad tale, here are the important morals of this story (or, in other words, what have we learned):
1.) It is an absurd story, that makes no sense, whatsoever
2.) There is more than enough milk, honey, figs, dates, Aroma coffee houses and Facebook to go around for all.
3.) It makes no difference who was here first, second or third, since we are all here now and we have to make it work.

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